Jefferson Park Counseling Blog - Page 2 of 2

Interview on Social Anxiety

I was interviewed on the subject of social anxiety and was published in an article for the Huffington Post.

13 Useful, Expert-backed Tips For Dealing With Social Anxiety

Here it is:

1. Go into a social setting armed with a strategy.

“As damaging as being ‘too into your head’ can be, some preparation and intent can be very beneficial,” said Bill Koch, a Chicago-based clinical therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders.

One such strategy is to identify places and people that will help you feel the most comfortable.

“This can make the difference between a surprisingly pleasant evening and your worst nightmare come true. Having some plan can help instill a feeling of confidence and some much wanted control over a situation that feels out of control,” Koch said.

Upon arriving at a party, for instance, he recommends immediately seeking out a calm area within the space. “If you know the place you are going will be hectic, make a plan to spend most of the time on the patio where you won’t feel bombarded by a large crowd,” he said.

Another tip is to start small and work your way up from there. Koch recommends kicking off the night by chatting with a few close friends in the kitchen before diving into the full party crowd. He also suggests surrounding yourself with people you know or with whom you’re comfortable to act as a cushion.

“Identifying a person you are comfortable with can be an ‘in case of emergency’ plan,” he said. “If you are feeling overwhelmed, you can retreat to a familiar face where you feel more at ease and can calm down.”

2. Give yourself a calming mantra and don’t be afraid to use it.

Reciting a mantra can give you a sense of control in a stressful social situation, according to Koch.

“Whenever you feel anxious, repeating a calming word or phrase can serve as a friendly reminder that anxiety is only a feeling created by thoughts,” he said.

Your mantra can range from a single word to a quickly uttered thought such as “easy, easy, easy,” “no one cares,” or “not a big deal.”

“I have had clients that used simple affirmations like ‘you’re cool, you’re cool’ as a way to instill positive self-talk,” Koch explained. “And even the clichéd ‘woosa’ works as well ― really any type of word or phrase that can help refocus your attention from unwanted anxious thoughts to your own calming self-talk will do.”

How To Deal With Anxiety

Anxiety

Anxiety can be one of the most crippling and paralyzing emotions we can experience. It can devastate us, and restrict us from enjoying our lives. Anxiety can drive a wedge in relationships and adversely affect our careers. It is extremely common with the Millennial generation, so much so that it is being called a silent epidemic. Anxiety is becoming so widespread that there is not much stigma in admitting that you experience anxiety attacks or suffer from insomnia. Anxiety can go overlooked and untreated, and like any other issue, it will only get worse. Unaddressed anxiety can lead to stomach pain, headaches, back pain, and insomnia.

Worse yet, anxiety can make us feel alone and hopeless. Relief can seem impossible and out of reach. Our own personal attempts to handle it often seem fruitless or unsuccessful. So what to do? Hundreds of studies have empirically proven that cognitive behavioral therapy can significantly reduce or eliminate symptoms of anxiety.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy(CBT) starts with recognizing your anxious thoughts and readjusting your thoughts to cause a different emotion. It starts with a very structured process that becomes ingrained until it is second nature. Then therapy is terminated with no fear of backsliding to old habits. CBT works by using relaxation techniques along with monitoring your thought processes. There are many books available to learn more about this mode of therapy but it ultimately starts when you meet with a therapist. Meeting in the office allows for an outside look at your thought processes and an opportunity to learn helpful techniques that are proven to reduce anxiety.

Mindfulness is another popular modality for treating anxiety. It has become very prevalent and has been featured in the news, apps, magazines and books. The idea of quieting your mind and finding internal peace resonates with our fast paced society where we are constantly on, refreshing twitter for the latest news or checking for a work email. Its no surprise that there is also a rise in sleep disorders when we have this cultural expectation to be completely alert and ready up until we try to fall asleep. Talk about trying to reverse course.

Intentionally slowing down and trying to gain awareness of our thoughts and feelings help puts us in the driver seat where we are then able to be intentional with our actions, and can choose to slow down and quiet our thoughts. This approach favors balance and awareness, and while it seems passive it can yield great results.

The good news is that despite anxiety being so prevalent and widespread, qualified therapists are just as available. The first step is to call and schedule an appointment. Not only is that the quickest route to relief, it is also the only proven way. We are ready when you are.

Culture of Comfort

Did anyone ask you how you are feeling today? What was your response? Maybe you answered “good, “ or maybe you simply responded by asking them how they were feeling. When was the last time you actually checked in with yourself and knew how you were feeling? Too often we are only aware of our emotions when they are unpleasant and out of our control. Common pleasantries often receive a pleasant response, despite how we may actually be doing. This suppression and disconnection with our emotions have led to large cultural problems. Feeling our emotions now has been tied to discomfort. And we don’t like discomfort, we push that away. If we see someone crying, what is the typical response? Maybe consoling them, tell them “there there, don’t cry. Things will be alright. “ why are we trying to placate this person, instead of allowing them to sit with this unpleasant feeling? Is it any wonder people dread hospitals and avoid funerals when we are part of a culture telling us to only allow the good feelings.

This cultural disapproval of emotions is tied to gender issues, unrealistic expectations, and hyper-stoicism. This has major effects and has led to large-scale lack of emotional regulation. When we are not able to sit with discomfort, we can suppress and shove these feelings away, self-medicate, or express them inappropriately. Everyone knows the idea of the man getting yelled at by his boss, only to then come home and yell at the dog. Poor expression of emotion can cause distress in relationships and many other problems in life. One major goal of therapy is for all clients to become better able to sit with their feelings, despite how uncomfortable they may be. This leads to mature emotional regulation and a balanced mood. Although not easy, this process is well worth the time. Take some time and assess how comfortable you are with discomfort and emotion. Introspection is the first step in growth.

The Consequences Of Ignoring Our Emotions

Suppressing your emotions?

Have you ever noticed a headache or tense neck when you were having a bad day?

Just like stage fright can cause a stomach ache, any emotion can have a physical effect on you. Emotions are very powerful, and we have a tendency to push away our feelings. Our culture constantly tells us to put on a brave face and to act as if everything is fine. A byproduct of that is that we are trained to swallow our feelings instead of dealing with them appropriately. This leads to physical, or somatic, issues.

The physical effects of anxiety are easily observed. First date jitters and test anxiety are some of the more minor issues, ones that are commonly seen and talked about. But how about back pain? Research has shown that back pain can be caused by prolonged stress and anxiety. Migraine headaches? Check. High blood pressure? Absolutely. How about gastrointestinal issues? The surge in diagnosis of Celiac’s disease and IBS is in no way unrelated to an increase in anxiety and stress. There are many cases of episodic IBS that are spurred by stress inducing events such as social gatherings. Grinding teeth is a common manifestation of stress or anxiety, and it can lead to terrible headaches and expensive damage to our teeth.

In our quick fix society it is common to see people treating the symptom, whether it is pain pills or sleeping pills. Instead, I challenge you to treat the source, which more times than not is unresolved anxiety. The takeaway here is that the effects of anxiety isn’t limited to your feelings and thoughts. It can have long lasting and expensive damage to your body. People can continue to play whack a mole by treating the symptoms, or realize the cause of these ailments and seek brief therapy with long lasting effects.

Why See A Therapist?

Therapy is often seen as a dark, and embarrassing last choice, but the reality is that many people already have been or are in therapy. Everyone experiences rough patches in their life, and seeking therapy during these times not only makes it easier to handle, but can get you back to yourself quicker.

Life is often so busy that we set ourselves on autopilot. A counseling session is a place where you are able to shed your tough veil and be open and honest. You can finally take a breath and focus on the important things in your life. Therapy is the one place where you can count on being listened to and heard.

In the past, therapy has been seen as an admission of weakness. In many cultures, it is suitable to stick your head in the sand and wait for the situation to resolve itself. Not only is this not going to help you, but it is probably making the problem worse.

Just like a car, you can get away without maintenance bit sooner or later you’re going to have a major problem to repair. Whereas if you take your care for regular visits, it will run well and last you a long time.

Ready to take the plunge? Schedule your appointment now